Infinite Monkey Theorem. At Work.

ENFP

I never really understood the hype of a Myers-Briggs test.  I thought with two possible choices for four categories, it was too simplistic to fully capture the complexities, neuroses, strengths, and weaknesses that make up a human psyche.

I may have been wrong.

In and effort to do a little soul searching, I decided to just see what I was and read up a little about it.  Some of the information was mind-boggling accurate:

• ENFPs may have running thoughts when they try to sleep and this may cause insomnia.
• Usually ENFP work space is arranged haphazardly, with work materials and personal momentos scattered about. In terms of the management of time, ENFPs find it particularly difficult to estimate accurately how long an activity will take. Because people's needs are more important than schedules, ENFPs are often late and characteristically full of apologies for their tardiness.
• ENFPs consider intense emotional experiences vital; when they have these, however, they are made uneasy by a sense of being there but with a part of themselves split off. They strive for congruency, but always see themselves in some danger of losing touch with their real feelings, which ENFPs possess in a wide range and variety.
• Because they tend to be hypersensitive and hyper-alert, they may suffer from muscle tension. They live in readiness for emergencies; because they have this facility, they assume this is true for others. They can become bored rather quickly with both situations and people, and resist repeating experiences.

I'm sure that most people have a little of everything in them and I think most psychologist-folks would say that anyone can be introverted or extroverted given certain circumstances.  I guess it was interesting for me to read this mainly because it did remind me of somethings about myself which maybe I should keep in mind in terms of the whole starting-my-own-practice-job thing.

Like, I need pretty art on the walls and that helping clients overcome intestacy statutes that are hostile to them might just be the perfect thing for me.

HA!

The Plunge

It appears that I am really going to take the plunge and start a law practice.  The thought is scary but everyone I told immediately expressed delight at the idea and proceeded to congratulate me.  I think it's natural for human beings to want things to be easy and certainly it is easier if someone else manages advertisement, filings, the office, legal research, the web site, and making sure the office has a functioning coffee maker.

Of course it would be more convenient if I just got a government or private sector job and cashed a reasonable sum of a check at regular intervals.  But that doesn't look like it is going to happen for me so I've got to make my own luck.

Interestingly, there seems to be a bit of luck involved: I found reasonable office space with a friend I trust and whose business acumen I admire.  Office furniture has been loaned to me. I may have already lined up my first clients.

So, amongst my fears I am shuffling towards the edge of becoming a solo practitioner, that most mysterious of all variations of legal professions.  I have gone only semi-willingly, requiring the occasional shove and remark from those who believe in my abilities and my integrity to keep me going in this direction.

I promise, I'm going to jump at any moment.

Friday

The day started with driving out to Tucker to pick up Kenny.  We went for breakfast at Thumbs Up Diner in Decatur then walked around while playing a harmonica (sorta) and saw what Decatur had to offer.  We then met up with Jenny for lunch at Flip Burger.  It was a delight being around an old friend.  I forgot how easy it is to be one's self when around someone like Kenny.  It was like a home-cooked meatloaf dinner for my soul: nourishing and lovely.

I dropped Kenny off and met up with Will and Steve so I could help work on getting the furniture set up in the new office!  It involved a lengthy trip to Ikea (where you can get a cup of coffee for a $1!!!).  Then a trip to Target.  Then we went back to the office to put together Ikea furniture.  Steve and I should open up a business where we charge people to put together that furniture.  It was pretty quick.

The office looks great.  I just need to furnish my office with some furniture and get my act together for setting up my firm name, my trust account, and my malpractice carrier.  There's a lot to do and I got a while to go.

But what a lovely day spent with good friends.  I didn't realize just how restorative such a busy day could turn out to be.

Queer Lawyeresses Dinner

Tonight was the big gay lawyer big gay dinner.  Folks were nice and the speaker was great.  I definitely think that going to those events would be more fun if I weren't unemployed.  But quite a few folks said that it was great that I was starting my own practice.  Yaaay.

Saw some folks I hadn't seen in a while and won't see until the next big gay lawyer event (probably the Christmas party).  There were plenty of gay lawyers and at one point I wondered "Where are all these people at our normal events."  But then I remembered that I'd been skipping some because, inevitably, at these events people are like "So- where are you?"  Which is lawyeress for "What firm do you work at?"  And it is always bad to say "I work at yo' mamma's firm.  With her firm legs!!!"  So, instead, I just don't go.  Liquor and unemployment leads to poor decision-making.  But I got a wild hair this week and managed to get talked into going.  (Brian basically explained that some of my favorite folks were going to be there).

And I have to admit, it was good to see folks.  I might have made a mistake when a lawyer brought a younger relative who was aspiring to be a lawyer one day and I said "Oh, Lord, stop her before it is too late!"  I meant it as a joke but it might have sounded too real.  Oops.

Other than that the night was probably a win.  I worked a great shirt-tie combo and didn't spill anything.

Lists

Instruments I Have Wanted to Play

1. Piano (played for 8 years)
2. Baritone (played for three years)
3. Cello
4. Didjeridoo
5. Banjo
6. Ukelele
7. Blues Harmonica

Colors I Have Wanted to Paint My Bathroom

1. Pink
2. Black
3. Light Blue
4. Loud Ass Yellow

Things I Thought I Was Going to Become When I Was  Child

1. Astronaut
2. Chemist
3. Artist (Painter)
4. Pediatrician
5. Lawyer
6. Writer
7. Dancer
8. Performance Artist

Things I Would Like to Do Before January 1st 2010

1. Get a motherfuckin' job.
2. Weigh less than185 lbs.
3. Pick up an instrument again (see the first list).
4. Go to open mic night somewhere and lay down some lines.
5. Have a bonfire party complete with pine cone liquor for my friends.
6. Shoot another two rolls of 120mm film.

There

In the beginning, no one had thought of anything to say.  So people could only speak with their eyes.  It took a long time, but this is how blinking started.  After people had said all they could with their eyes and eyelids, they learned how to cry and decided that it could work for both happiness and sadness - mainly because it was a convenient binary.  And it also made sense to the youth.  The old people shrugged, they were simply tired of blinking.

After a while, folks realized that if they got worked up enough, that a tickling would start at their throat and they would just let out a holler.  It took a lot of hollerin' and a huge amount of misunderstanding, but eventually humans stumbled upon words.  No one knew that they should be written down or that they could really be confined.  So there were about 2.5 billion words made up of about 783 letters and all the colors in the world, some were even plaids and polka dots.  It sounds very complicated, but it was so beautiful that no one really minded.  And each communication, never mind how mundane, was a lovely song or picture.  People understood not just the words but the honesty behind them and the feel of them even before they were said.

But people get bored and need something to do (or they think they do) so they decided to write down all the meanings of the words.  They lost the colors and most of the letters in the process.  But then they had small words that were sum certain and they could point to a language that could capture and mean things.

And that's when they stopped being able to fly and know God.  They became human and were unleashed upon the world.

And We're Back

So apparently when your credit card expires, some people (Typepad) notice and suspend your account.  And then you're like, "Where did I put those new cards?" and then you are too lazy to do anything about it.  But then you think, I actually enjoyed writing stuff that people don't read.  So you dig out your cards and figure out which one is the right one and you're back in business.

Other than this, I am trying to start my own law practice.  Which is funny to me.  And good.

A Friday - Unlike Any Other

hola. this post will have no capital letters. i'm intentionally breaking the rules of capitalization because i had a yoga class today where the teacher was insistent that there isn't any such thing as doing a pose perfectly. you'll note that i am willing to let go of punctuation just yet.  that would be beyond the pale.

o.k. so today.

tired and sore from so much physical labor back at trader joe's, i drug my ass to yoga class and did o.k.  it was a short, hour-long yoga class and it was good.  the teacher focused a lot on the standing poses so it was a lot of leg work and only a couple of sitting poses.  i was hoping for more sitting poses to try and get some of the kinks out of my back, shoulders and hips, but the leg work was nice.  i worked up quite a sweat.

wheat grass shots are my new addiction.  it's true.  i've been reading about how good wheat grass is for you and have been trying to have freshly juiced wheat grass on a fairly regular basis.  maybe it is all psychological - but i swear it is like drinking pure sunshine and earthy goodness all in one bright green juice.  i'm not going to lie, i get a pineapple chaser because it leaves a weird after taste but that stuff is like my new coffee replacement.

i deposited my first paycheck today from trader joe's.  that was a sublime feeling.  even if it's not the typical lawyerly take, it's still something and it is wholly mine.  so i highly recommend doing that on a regular basis if you can - works wonders for mood.

how god and/or my ancestors and/or the universe spoke to me today.  i was in borders to pick up a book for a bookgroup that i am in and happened upon a book called one nice thing a day which had a whole host of things you could do to create goodness in the world.  flipping through it i landed on the idea of taking baked goods or coffee to your local firehouse or police station for the folks that keep disaster and destruction at bay in our modern, urbanized lives.  good little book full of good little ideas.  i put it down, conscious of my limited budget.

at checkout, i realized i had forgotten my coupon which would have given me 25% off my entire purchase (thank you amazon for bringing borders around to reasonableness).  the cashier was sweet said that it was fine i could still use it.  then she pointed to a bag of coffee beans and asked "would you like to donate a bag of beans to your local 10th street firehouse?"  what choice did i have?  "sure." and it was done.  i definitely got a kick out of having just read about doing exactly that then being immediately confronted with the opportunity.

brian comes home to me tomorrow from a week out west visiting his father in the hospital and helping his mother.  they still do not know what is wrong with his dad.  i'm really looking forward to seeing him, we're not often apart this long and linus and i have both missed him.  though linus is hopeful that when he comes back brian will be the one to sleep on the floor - that dog loves stretching his big ignorant self all across the bed.

that's it.  that's my friday unlike any other.  (though i'm sure it's quite like plenty of other folks' fridays).

Villages

Maybe I was just born in the wrong time.  Or maybe I slipped through some Einsteinian dream and wound up in this time, a tourist without a map.  I think I was meant to live in a small village, maybe be a bee keeper or candle maker or maybe, let's be honest, the village idiot.

But I don't want to work 60 hours a week.  Hell.  I don't think human beings were designed to work 40 hours a week.  And certainly not in cubicles with mystifying phone buttons and douche bag bosses.  We were meant to be outside moving around and getting exercise.  Not tippity tapping out all our thoughts in e-mails and reports that no one really reads - ahem.

We were meant to interact with people and share meals at lunch time.  I read something about that recently-  did you know it is human nature to share food?  That gives me hope that maybe we can pull our act together as a species.  Unless N. Korea keeps acting up that is.

If you haven't picked up on it already, darling reader, you will note that this isn't really about villages.  It isn't quite coherent enough to really be about anything.  But I've been itching for a free write.  And am rebelling against all my training in English and its attendant "thesis statements."  Ugh.

Speaking of English.  I am glad I am not an English teacher.  I don't think those kids would have gotten much out of me.  I would just ask "Who wants to learn today?"  And everyone who didn't raise their hands, I'd give a pass to go somewhere else.  Why waste folks' time, right?  Though I'd warn those that did want to study English to get a rich set of parents or otherwise secure their financial interests earlier rather than later.  Many a starving writer has never wound up anything else.  Just sayin', kids, let's face the world head on.

Speaking of facing the world head on.  Why do I keep all my old journals, some dating back 14 years ago?  And why does Kenny?  And why can't we read them?  Perhaps we are afraid to own our angst.  I need a scanner.  I'll scan in some of it.  Maybe.

In a past life I was a dancer.  And I was probably one of the most confidant people I knew.  There is such a surety that comes with knowing where you body is in space and what you are capable of.  Can you run and leap backwards in the air and know that Erick and Blake will catch you, frozen in the air?  Can you hold Maryn straight up in the air with one hand?  Yes!  And having that physical confidence is just amazing.  And the hotness factor was a nice by product....

Perhaps I gave that surety up when I went to law school.  Law school creates all this doubt and craziness and if I could get it surgically removed, I would.  Folks that I worked with at TJ's said to me "Really?  You're in law school?  You seem so nice...."  Maybe I should have been a psychologist feelings talker lady.  It certainly looks like a better existence than getting sued by clients and having your HOA holler about how you refuse to give them legal advice (duh.  they are so ignorant they wouldn't follow it anyways). 

So I called an old friend today.  Because if I lived in a village, well, she's one of the people that would be my neighbor and/or run the organic farmer's market and local securities & exchange commission.  It's my village if you wanted to run the farmer's market, you'll have to start your own.  Her husband would be the curator of the art museum but that's neither here nor there.

We talked for quite a while and, like me, she's a former dancer and recent graduate of a graduate program (MBA).  And both of us are having trouble finding jobs.  Why?  Because our awesomeness scares most bosses.  They are scared we will take over and make them get us coffee post-coup.  I don't quite mean that, but I sort of do.

If I did select my own village, it'd be filled with smarties.  And then, looking at the smarties individually, I would realize that most of them have had some type of job-related trouble.  But surely, that can't be right?  But it is exactly right!  Some of the most brilliant, interesting, and creative folks I know have had some of the most trouble relative to work.  Maybe they are too smart for their own good or less-than patient with those who can't intuit as fast as they can. 

Point is, maybe I'm in great company.

How Sad is My Blog?

Um.  Pretty sad.  Too much whining.